It is what it is, I can’t change it.
Am I embarrassed by my psoriasis, sometimes, yes. It’s super obtrusive to the eye. But does it make me depressed, no. I try not let myself go any deeper then that.
I remind myself that I am thankful. My body still functions the way it should. My lungs breath, my eyes see, my legs move, my heart beats. My skin, well it has a mind of its own. It has fallen into the category of “the brokenness of sin”. Ok, that’s a joke. But only sort of. Adam and Eve sinned, thus we have brokenness in this world. Therefore we have sickness and disease. But these things, hardships on earth, make us long for heaven! I’m not sorry about that. Not only my skin, but my whole body, will be new and perfect when I get to heaven.
While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. – 2 Corinthians 5:4
So heres the deal. Sometimes my psoriasis goes in to remission. I love when that happens. I rejoice and praise God and thank him. But right now I’m in a season of a flare up. My husband prays almost every night for God to heal me, I receive that prayer. Yes, Lord Jesus may it be so! But I also had an experience a few months ago that taught me a different perspective as well.
One day I was worshiping God in my kitchen, before all my kiddos woke up. I turned and raised my hands to the window and as I glorified God, I found myself telling God he could have my flesh. My declaration caught me off guard. I started to cry. But I continued with my prayer. I told God, “I know you can heal me! But if covering my body in psoriasis brings you glory, do it! My flesh is yours.” I then saw myself giving my spotted skin to him, I just handed it right over. (That’s the grace of God. Only the Holy Spirit can prompt you to do the thing you fear the most)
Side note, the vision I had of handing my skin over, if you’ve never read the “The Voyage of the ‘Dawn Treader’ (The Chronicles of Narnia, Book 5)” it might sound like a weird thing to do. But in that book Eustace becomes a dragon. Aslan heals him, but first he has to take the dragon skin off. If you are still confused, just read the book, you will thank me later.
Anyways, I cried and worshiped and released. It’s a really refreshing place to be. That was three months ago, and He still has chosen to let me live with this spotted skin. So I wear it and try to be as joyful about it as I can. I desire not to complain about it. Sometimes I forget and have a meltdown. But then I repent and move on.
Jumping back to the morning, three months ago. During that moment of worship, Romans 8:26-29 came to my mind. I hang on to that truth with tenacity. Where else do we get the strength of enduring hard things without the hope of God? He says in those verses, he will use ALL things for good to those who love him. All things, even psoriasis, even infertility, even death, even ____________ . What about you? You fill in the blank. We all have hard things in our life. Your difficulties look different then mine.
I have come to realize, my obedience in trusting God, it blesses me. I have peace and joy, that is a gift! So I choose to believe that my psoriasis is for the good. When I want to complain about it, I now thank him for it. I think to myself, if Corrie Ten Boom could thank God for the fleas and lice, I can surely thank God for my itchy red skin! (If you don’t know that story,The Hiding Place (Radio Theatre) read or listen to it. It is SO good.)
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. – Romans 8:28
Yesterday I fought a little inward battle. It was a beautifully warm spring day. I wanted to go for a run. But I knew my leggings under my running shorts would make me so hot. The question that caused the battle, am I willing to go out there, in short sleeves and “shorts”, for everyone to see me, covered in red splotches? I had to work through my feelings of embarrassment.
Thankfully the struggle was short lived. The question was answered by another question, what does God say to me about pride? Ouch. But really that’s what it comes down to. I’m prideful about how I want others to view me. It’s hard to be exposed when, what you expose, is not pretty. Yes, I’m talking physical but this also applies to emotional and spiritual exposure as well.
Years ago, during those years of counseling, I learned that to be exposed in the presence of God is the best place to start. He exposes us to show us our sin and then to show us his forgiveness when we repent. In that process, he shows us his great love for us. Exposure by God is amazing. Once you have been exposed by God and made it right, you no longer fear being exposed by mankind because you know you are in right standing with God. You suddenly loose “fear of man”. You loose the hold that worry had over you in regards to, “what will others think of me?”
Mark 5:25-34 recap, Jesus exposed her to heal her. . . that’s powerful!
25 And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, 26 and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse. 27 She had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. 28 For she said, “If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.” 29 And immediately the flow of blood dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. 30 And Jesus, perceiving in himself that power had gone out from him, immediately turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my garments?” 31 And his disciples said to him, “You see the crowd pressing around you, and yet you say, ‘Who touched me?’” 32 And he looked around to see who had done it. 33 But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling and fell down before him and told him the whole truth. 34 And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.” – Mark 5:25-34
God is more real to me because of psoriasis. I’d say that means he is already using it for good in my life. I hope that you are encouraged to take the hard thing in your life and opening your hand to God with it. Allow God to expose you. I pray as you do, that you will grow deeper in love and trust and faith. And that you will see his goodness to you in the midst of the hard thing.
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