Part One.

Dramatic headline, I know, but it’s a true. Long story short, I ended up having my uterus removed, otherwise known as a hysterectomy.

If you have been following my blog you might remember this post , the one where I discovered I was anemic. That post ends with me getting two iron infusions and needing to get to the root of the problem.

Strangely enough, after my first iron infusion, my psoriasis started flare up like crazy. To date, I’m still trying to get it under control. But I will say, the iron infusions were worth it.

The rest of the story deals with some personal stuff. It’s tricky to know how to share, without over sharing. I will proceed with caution and I hope you will be encouraged as you read.

As you know, ” Anemia is a condition in which you lack enough healthy red blood cells to carry adequate oxygen to your body’s tissues. Having anemia can make you feel tired and weak.”- quote taken from Mayo Clinic.

To fully understand the part of the story that I’m going to share today, we need to rewind. Seven months prior to all this, October 2018, found me entering the operating room to have a mass removed from my uterus.

Fast forward 8 months to June 2019, I went back in for another ultrasound to determine what was going on inside my uterus. I truly felt like I could connect with the woman in Mark 5:25-34.

If you don’t know that account, it’s known as the woman with the issue of blood. She, unlike myself, was sick for 13 year, her bleeding never dried up. She spent her life savings on doctors. Finally one day, Jesus passed by. She said to herself, “If I could just touch the hem of his garment, I could be healed!” And it worked, she was healed just by touching his clothes. It’s a beautiful account. You should read it.

My favorite part about Mark 5:25-34 , years ago was explained to me like this, Jesus exposed her, to heal her. She was “found out” and still loved. He called her daughter. At the time, those words sank deep into my aching heart. I still hold them dear to me today.

Anyways, back to June 2019, the week after the ultrasound found me back in at the OBGYN. The doctor walked in, the results in his hand, telling me that the mass removed in October had grew back. Only this time it had double in size. He said it was too large to remove and the next step was a hysterectomy.

I was stunned. Everything seemed to happen so fast, too fast. Just four weeks ago I had discovered I was anemic and now I needed a hysterectomy?! We went ahead and scheduled the surgery, knowing that we could cancel if we wanted to. For whatever reason, I had to wait another 2 months to go in for the surgery.

The next 2 months were a blur. At first I cried. A hysterectomy was so drastic. Surely there should be some other options other then removing part of my body. Also it would be the final step in our infertility label, it would shut the door to the possibility of a miracle baby. It was a lot to process.

Yes, I cried at the thought of having to have surgery to forever remove my womb and all that it symbolized. But I also cried because of the debilitating pain it daily caused me. Everything got so very bad, that the last month before surgery they put me on a chemo med, which was a huge help. A little unnerving, but it basically stopped all my symptoms. Which was important because I still needed to somehow care for and manage my family.

Our children were 11, 9, 5, 3, 3, and 1… they really needed their mom to be present. It was hard. Thankfully I had helpers coming in, I couldn’t have done it without them. Looking back, I see that I was so very very sick. I didn’t go up or downstairs, I laid on the couch as much as I could, and took (approved) large doses of ibuprofen around the clock. I was functioning, but that was it.

My husband and I prayed for an answer, for clarity. Did God want to miraculously heal me? We were open to that! But eventually, clarity came one day as I was praying.

I had my eyes closed, asking God to hear from him. I don’t know how to explain what happen, but I suppose you could say it was a vision of some sort. I found myself at his feet, ready to touch the hem of his garment, just like the woman in Mark 5. Jesus stopped and extended his hand to me, palm up. In his hand was a hysterectomy.

His hand was actually empty but when I saw his palm extended to me, I knew it was a hysterectomy that he was offering me. I really don’t know how to explain it. But regardless, it brought me tremendous peace.

Fast forward to August 2019, I had some feelings of unrest the night before surgery. I wrote quick notes to all my children of my love for them. There was a sense of, I have peace, but at the same time surgery is full of unknowns. I wanted to leave my house “in order” in the event that something unforeseen would happen. I didn’t have a spirit of fear, but it felt important to be open handed with all the possibilities.

Surgery day came and the story that unfolded that day will never be forgotten. . . tune in tomorrow for part 2 of infertility journey.

Thanks for reading.

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